getting creative while staying in

Pet Space (2018)

This year's Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit is cancelled. It was set for early August, but as they wisely point out:

"There is no way to know where we’ll be as a nation in August. But what we do know is that for many Summit attendees, a week, even a day, without income is often catastrophic. People will have used up personal time from work, and some will have had to shelter in place with no income at all. Already negatively impacted by FOSTA, many sex workers are now without any income or access to community resources. Our ability to fundraise for much-needed scholarships is limited right now, as our communities give their time, talents, and treasures to mutual aid in this crisis. Given the circumstances, the individuals who will benefit the most from the Summit programming will be least likely to be able to attend."

(Ricci Joy Levy, President/CEO, Woodhull Foundation) 

dodo 2020 -- The Consolation

...A special freak among my beloved freaks...

I've been sober since 2013, and polyamorous for longer than that. This New Year's Eve was the first gathering where I had both of my partners as well as my lovely new metamour all in one place, all openly being us, with a group of friends who like and accept us. It was awesome.

I was also the only sober person at the gathering. (We had some guests who drink only lightly, and/or who prefer the attentions of the locally legalized herb.) My darling was the designated bartender & did keep me in delicious mocktails. We kissed at midnight and there were fireworks and everything went swimmingly. Here are my mocktail recipes and the other tactics I used:

• The Consolation: fresh mint leaves, muddled. Then add grapefruit and lime juices, opt. grapefruit bitters, and top with ice and tonic water.
• Ginger beer (I like Gosling's) with rhubarb bitters, or with a dash of lime/lemon and grapefruit bitters. The Fee Bros. bitters are non-alcoholic, even though they technically have to list alcohol on their labels because some of the ingredients are tinctured before they are made into bitters. (In the past I have quizzed them about this at some length over email. Thank you Fee Bros. customer support!)
• PJ <3: I texted a sober comrade. I had made a list a few days before the party, and although I have several extra-wonderful friends who sometimes abstain in solidarity and support, I don't have any actual sober friends in my actual city. I reached out online, and PJ responded with warm supportive texts and willingness to have me text her in the moment if things got sucky. I ended up being OK at the party and just texted her the next day to thank her; just having her out there, willing to listen and cheer me on, was really helpful.

• So much sugar! I tried all the cookies. My friend who brought boozy cake warned me before she even unwrapped it, so I did not have any inadvertent boozy cake moments. I did get into the peppermint bark, and I felt dehydrated when I woke up -- despite neither imbibing nor smoking anything -- just from all the sugar! That is OK.

Clearly, my New Year's Resolution is to form some sober friendships in my actual town. And to keep kissing all the people and eating all the cookies. Also, I have been bingeing the Dildorks podcast and Tina Horn's Why Are People Into That?! and remembering how much fun I had at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit in 2018, so I'm starting up this blog in renewed earnest & will be making serious plans for Woodhull in August.

(I am thinking about how to throw a sober meetup at Woodhull, so ping me if you're into that! I sent them an email but I'm sure they are not thinking about all that quite yet. It's not until August. Tickets aren't on sale yet. But I am going! Watch this space. I'll also start using my @dirty_sober twitter account to alert folks to new posts and anything related to this blog or the memoir project.)

Dildo Mountain, and the Hangover to End All Hangovers

"Dildo Mountain" (djh, 2015)

Today is my soberversary. Five years ago last night -- very late last night-- I took my final sip of what was, for me, slow poison. Five years ago today was The Hangover To End All Hangovers.